Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Heart's Desire Geraniums and Pansies and the Story of My First Heartbreak


Heart's Desire Geraniums & Pansies
by Nancy Medina
12X12
Oil on Linen Board
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Nancy Medina Web Site

Heart's Desire Geraniums and Pansies is drying on the easel in Flower Mound Studio, as the lead studio assistant tries to convince me that there are more toys in the shopping bag that came from PetSmart this morning. After working her way through two stuffies and four squeaky balls, she was quite certain her heart's desire still lay somewhere in that plastic bag that sat atop my work table in the studio. Even after I set the empty bag in the floor, and she had pulled every tag and receipt out, she is still standing with sad, beseeching eyes, waiting for that best toy that has not yet been offered.

The last time I wanted something as badly as she wants that phantom toy right now, I was in junior high and had just been jilted by my first love. I remember my best friend who had the dubious honor of being the messenger, saying to me, "He wants to break up with you." I remember a blind, headlong dash through the students waiting for the bell to ring, through the front doors and into the girl's room, and slamming into a stall there. I remember leaning against the wall in that bathroom stall, sobbing so loudly that the teacher's aide who had followed me in did not chide me for entering the building before the bell. Instead, she left the bathroom, silently, closing the door behind her, and departed without a word. She must have recognized the universal sound of heartbreak.

Annie has finally retired to her pillow, and closed her eyes. Even as she falls asleep, she manages to look sad. Something tells me I will stop at PetSmart at lunchtime again tomorrow, so the toy she is convinced exists will be delivered to her.
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